song lyrics
[11/10/01]
There’s nothing here to leave behind
I promise you
It was all over before you noticed
I watched it go
and didn’t say a thing to warn you
I know these things
and how they end
like they began
suddenly
with shaking hands
[chorus]
Let it go or don’t, it doesn’t matter
Hold it close and mourn if that feels right
Be light and fade, be glass and shatter
Pretend that it all went to hell tonight
You’ll do it by yourself
I’ll be somewhere else
Does it help at all to hear me say
that it was hard
admitting I don’t care that I don’t care
and what you are
is someone who I used to know
I might be bad
or only real
at least I feel bad
not to feel
[chorus]
song lyrics
[10/12/01]
I hear you’ve been talking lately
people you don’t care about
feeding the rumor machine
open your mouth and the lies come out
I hear you’ve been asking lately
things you have no right to know
I hear lots of things about you
you’ve been digging pretty low
[chorus]
It’s kinda funny don’t you think
I hear you hear
how it all comes back to bite you
he said she said
things that others said to spite you
so the rumors always go
and you’re the last to know
I hear you’ve been telling stories
no longer even partly true
every time these things come up
I can trace them back to you
I hear the walls have ears like yours
you always know the losing score
on me and all your former friends
I hear no one trusts you anymore
[chorus]
[bridge]
the instigator always pays
no one wants to talk to you these days
your reputation’s toast
you should probably move to the other coast
How did you get started lying
I’m just curious to hear
was it pure delight in malice
or just some sordid fear
that you’re such a hopeless loser
no one would want you around
unless you built yourself up
by dragging the rest of us down
[chorus]
Self-referential
[10/27/01]
I’ve run across some poems lately
in various anthologies
which detail some girl’s charms --
some are specific, others general,
for instance the word beauty
which has no meaning on a page --
sometimes a name and sometimes not --
and with this litany of lips and cheeks
and eyes and whatnot --
sometimes breasts and flanks
but mostly just the head parts
and hands (soft) --
he (the poet) proudly adds
that he has made this girl immortal
and her charms (and name, if that’s
included) will not fade or die --
there are a number of these.
It’s a genre.
And it crossed my mind
that I would not want that kind
of immortality
and that one ruby crystal rose snow thing
is like another, and the poet
never asked this girl (I bet you anything)
if she would like to be remembered
as a pretty thing
a poet crushed on once
or in some other way.
So it follows then
that I should not be proud
to freeze in verse
some long hand
and fall of hair
but rather a bit ashamed
as if caught venerating
some pop idol’s press photos --
would any boy
want such a snapshot
to outlive him?
So here’s a poem that won’t offer
any kind of immortality --
it will not even mention any
color you have on you anywhere --
it’s not about you, it’s about itself.
No doubt you can find some use for it --
wrap half a sandwich,
fold it to wedge a wobbling chair.
A postcard
10/16/01
Redmond is a giant mall
with rain between
and complimentary umbrellas,
oddly clean sidewalks...
I am used to not belonging
but here I’m not the only one who notices.
There’s no bus to Seattle --
at least not one that matters --
my hotel room has a kitchen
with a dishwasher...
and all the staff speak Spanish
and get my questions backwards when I talk.
I walked around outside today
because I felt guilty
to have driven across the country
just to sleep in a thick-pillowed bed...
new cars splashed on my ankles
and distracted me from the enormous pines.
Smiling to salespeople
and talking cheery nonsense
I bought a jacket and some soap
and a stack of paperbacks...
I am used to not belonging
but apparently the gold card helps.
And the rain made white noise
all down around me
and my shoes got wet
and I missed you, who would have
noticed only the rain
and the enormous pines.
Cold shower
10/11/01
Thank you October
I need the cold
to keep the burn under control
and antifreeze
and all the windows open
Put me in a tub of ice
change the water when it starts to steam
mop my red face
my wrists under the tap
it has to work this time
I'll sleep naked tonight
on top of the covers
with the fan humming
if I can sleep at all...
Don't these people realize --?
10/8/01
The alligator is for the most part not interested in you. He prefers fish; you smell strange; your legs stretch beyond his field of view and he is disinclined to look up. Your noise is not communication to him. He will squat on the shore with his tail in the water, eyes half lidded, whether you are there or not. Sometimes he will ignore you even if you poke him with a stick; his skin is thick, you are not strong enough to hurt him.
Just don't try to move him from his stretch of shore. Just don't try to take his stretch of shore away from him.
Crush = splinter
10/6/01
Some power in you calls for blood
and my blood answers
iron slave to lodestone
fighting me
and I forget
why I fight
No one ever did that trick before
Although I’ve seen some good ones
you have got to be the
scariest
and now I’m nervous
but don’t mind me
go on
dancing like it’s serious
and talking like we’re lucky
to be talking about
whatever
And all the time a hot wind pushing
out from you
and wearing me down
I’d hate you if I thought you knew
what you were doing
Someone else
might miss this thing entirely
or
fall like a stack of glasses
spilling
I am not that kind
I am a low warm animal
with heavy bones
so far I haven’t moved
forward or back
but nothing stays --
Some power in you throws out sparks
the taste of salt
new hunger
my blood answers.
ghost
10/5/01
wilted chains of weeds hang from his wrists and his hair is
full of dust and chicken feathers
he stands in the corner of the porch and looks across the yard
i don't think anything happened to him to make him like that
but i would like to happen to him
if i could figure out how to get into the place between
dawn and
day
where he stands
with his hands out
dropping dried-out daisies
on the boards of the floor.